


Shattered glass

by Eliza_Sugarcane



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 11:06:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17202341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliza_Sugarcane/pseuds/Eliza_Sugarcane
Summary: Dean has a bad day, Cas is there to help.





	Shattered glass

**Author's Note:**

  * For [surlybobbies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/surlybobbies/gifts).



> This is part of the profound bond exchange and for the lovely surlybobbies, I'm so sorry this got so angsty, my brain just wouldn't let me do anything else. I really hope you still enjoy it :)

Dean slammed Baby’s door shut a bit harder than strictly necessary and while he would probably apologize to her for it later, right now he was in too much of a bad mood to really care.

The last night had been rough, for both Cas and him, he always got a bit down during the holidays, memories of Mary and Christmases past waring with the present and the reality of having lost his mother far too young. It tended to stir up long repressed feelings and the general cocktail of misery oftentimes triggered the even worse memories and instincts that Dean usually prided himself on having under control.

Christmas at Bobby’s had been fun, as usual, but it had also left Dean feeling a little empty, had reminded him of all the things he lost, of all the things he should have, of everything that shouldn’t have happened to him. He knew Sam felt similarly, they had talked about it under the influence of enough spiked eggnog to knock out an average sized elephant.

Grabbing his duffel he headed towards the cabin that Cas had insisted they rent for the rest of the holidays, the plan was to spend New Years Eve as far away from society as possible, just the two of them together and Dean had to admit he really looked forward to not dealing with people for a while. 

“Dean are you alright?”, Cas asked from right behind him and Dean couldn’t suppress the way he flinched at the unexpected sound. He knew without even turning around that Cas had that worried look of his on his face and he hated it but he forced himself to turn and smile at his boyfriend, no need to worry the man even more.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Babe, just been a long day.” 

Cas nodded seriously and ushered him inside the, frankly lovely, cabin before he went towards the kitchen to sort out some food for them. 

Dean took a moment for himself, just sitting on the bed, breathing. He still felt off somehow and the thought of Cas going through the trouble of making dinner made his skin crawl with guilt, he felt like he should at least be helping, not just sitting here waiting for his boyfriend to be done. He also knew, however, that Cas wanted to do this and if he tried to help he would be sent away again with the explanation that he had done enough cooking and baking in the last week or so and that it was Cas’ turn. So he just waited and stared at the wall in front of him, not able to make himself to anything else.

A few minutes later Cas called for him and Dean made his way towards the kitchen.

“I made some sandwiches, come eat, you haven’t eaten enough today.” Sometimes Dean wondered how anyone could worry this much about him, how someone could actually care enough to notice how much he ate, his heart felt like it melted a bit every time Cas showed so clearly that he cared. 

They ate in silence but it wasn’t oppressive, it was just a nice kind of quiet and Dean felt like he could breathe a bit easier with every bite he took, it felt like something in his chest was untangling, like the elephant that had been sitting on his chest for the last few days was slowly stepping off of it.

He let his guard down a bit and when Cas dropped his water glass to the floor, shattering it into a thousand pieces, the sound felt like it stabbed Dean into to heart. 

Before he could even process what was happening he was already scrambling to his feet, knocking down his chair in the process and the next thing he knew there was a wall in his back, his ears were ringing and his heart was beating faster than it had any right to. 

“Dean!”, Cas was up in an instant, not even trying to avoid the shards of glass that where all over the floor, moving towards Dean and Dean's first instinct was to try and back further away but there was nowhere to go, for a split second he felt as trapped as he had during the worst of…  _ No! It’s Cas, breathe goddammit! _ One deep breath after another and with each breath the rushing in his ears receded a bit and the sounds around him started to filter in again.

“It’s ok.” Breath. “You’re safe.” Another breath. “It’s just me, you’re safe.” Another breath, this one shakier than the last. “You’re doing amazing my love, just breathe.” This one was more of a sob than a breath and Dean could feel his legs starting to buckle. “It’s ok, you’re not alone.” Back sliding along the wall Dean sank to the floor and suddenly there were strong arms around him and a shoulder he could hide his tears in. Cas’ smell surrounded him and every breath slowed his heartbeat a little while Cas kept murmuring into his hair that it was ok, he was safe, he was not alone and everything would be fine. 

Dean lost track of time, his entire world reduced to the arms holding him together and the vibrations of Cas’ chest. He didn’t know how long it took until he felt like he could breathe normally again, until his heartbeat was back to a normal speed, but by the time he felt like himself again he was truly exhausted. 

“I love you, Cas. Thank you. I’m sorry” 

Dean felt the answering smile in his hair and pressed a little closer to the man holding him. 

“Nothing to be sorry for, love, lets just go to bed hm?”


End file.
